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When parents screw up their kids … how to heal 💚 

This post is inspired by a young client this week.

After a few initial sessions, it became clear that he wants to be a ‘good boy’ because he can see his mother is working really hard.

He wants to help her and feels guilty to take from her.

But by doing this, he suffers a lot and does not feel alive, in fact, he has been depressed for a couple of years already.

I suggested an exercise for him….

He nodded …

Before we began I said …

“Parents give … and children take. Not the other way around”.

He nodded …

I asked him to close his eyes and to picture his mum standing in front of him.

I said ‘repeat after me …’

Say to your mum: “I am big … and you are small”

He said it and laughed.

Me: ‘You are laughing but that is exactly what you are doing’.

He nodded.

Me: Ok, let’s try another one.

Say to your mum “You are my mum, and I am your son”

A moment of silence .. then …

Tears are rolling down his cheeks …

we remain silent for a while …

Interesting, isn’t it?

Such a simple sentence … just stating a fact … but it touches us at a deep level …

For him, it was touching on a deep-seated need that was being unfulfilled …

It tugs on the heartstrings.💛

What he really wanted and needed is for his Mum to be his Mum.

He looked up and nodded.

Me: ‘OK, let’s try some more’
Say…

“I’ll take you now as my mum.
And I am just your son.
I’ll take everything from you.
And I’ll make something of it.
For your joy.”
(Relief)

Touching on the deep level of our nature and our very relationships is healing.

It provides us with guidance on what to do … without saying it.

He also learned something that he did not expect:

That, for us as parents, it is the greatest gift when children are children, and when they take from us.

It’s our pleasure to give to them.

That special bond between parents and children … it is always there … it affects our everyday lives … without us realising that it effects….

A couple of years ago a gentleman came to see me … he just wanted to talk about his parents … because he felt there was so much he had left unsaid …

He benefitted from expressing his feelings and the shift I offered. He came actually for a number of sessions.

He was in his late 80s …

This bond to parents lasts for as long as we live …

It affects us in both good and bad ways

This bond can lead to great success.

It can also lead to failure or even illness ….

It is never too late to shift.

It is never too late to bring unfinished business to a peaceful close.

When we heal our roots, we can grow wings. 🏆


Frank Breuer
Clinical Psychologist
Mindset / Evolution Coach
“It is never too late to have a happy childhood” 💯