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LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ❓⁉️

On 4 October 2003 our first son was born.

He would turn 16 years today.

He was two weeks over the due date …

…. when his little heart stopped beating.

I know there are many out there who have lost a child …

we struggle to express ourselves …

we are uncertain what to do or think of feel because …

It is all-consuming …

and no matter what we think or do it never does the circumstances justice …

When parents survive their children it always feels wrong ….

because life means we die before them …

our emotions confuse us

because feelings of guilt crop up when we enjoy life again.

In a way, it is too much to comprehend …

Because we aim to comprehend the incomprehensible …

We look for reasons because it is our nature to find explanations …

We look for everything that gives us back a sense of certainty …

What happened shattered our certainty … because we experienced the worst case even though it was unlikely to happen …

Therefore we expect more misery to come along our way … we see danger around every corner and expect loved ones to have a car accident every minute.

We feel isolated and alone because no one we know had a similar experience …

For 9 months we have been preparing for a new life and now there is a void.

I worked in pregnancy counseling back then … could not have been any worse …

Colleagues and my manager had been fabulous … and I started to work in a different department. Yet, it was time to move on. About 6 months later I opened the doors to my own private practice.

I immersed myself into areas that related to what happened.

I studied the orders of helping and went deep on good and not so good ways of helping … because the guidance we received was not sound.

I learned to value crystal clear professional boundaries

Positioning myself between science and art is an ever-evolving process. Creating a unique blend of both worlds is what serves at the highest.

I learned ways that helped me find clarity and closure.

The most important way to clarity is belonging

A stillborn child belongs to the family … he has a place in the family … he has his special place …

In our case, he was the firstborn.

2 years after him, our daughter was born, 18 later our son.

It means, our daughter is the second born and our son is the third born. They know it from as early as possible.

They have absolute certainty about their place in the family.

Also, a photo that reminds us of him is up on a display unit together with other family members.

In my work with clients, I use rituals and representations. That helps to gain clarity.

Life is a gift. ♥️

Integrating what was enables us to learn, to grow and to move on. Exclusion never does.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!