It is that time of the year …
when we think about how we can improve in the next year
when we have the innate drive to drop what we are not happy with and desire to create something
Yet … easier said than done?
Many things can get in the way
If we don’t attain our goals … we may need to establish a NEW WAY of goal setting
In the past I was not inclined to set any New Year Resolutions in the past years ….
This year is different.
The change from 19 to 20 marks the transition from one decade to the next. Calling for a new beginning.
We live in waves of change and consolidation …
we change and adjust, which stretches us ….
we consolidate … we can’t be stagnant forever … the need for growth kicks in and energises us to move to the next level ….
For instance, I have run my psychology practice in Australia for 10 years …
That was a stretch for me to work in a very different market … fresh off the plane from Germany …
Since establishing the business, the market conditions haven’t changed much. The industry has not changed much. Same old same old.
I feel a change is needed. People deserve to be served in the best way possible.
I feel the need to give people everything I have learned since I entered the field in 1992. I love working with people and there is so much more than working one on one. Diversity is king.
Back to goal setting …
It may be surprising to hear that I’m not setting ANY Goals – not in a typcial way …
Because I believe the value of GOAL SETTING to be limited – not superfluous, just limited …
Particularly the SMART goals (Small, measurable, attainable, etc) have NEVER worked for me.
Because … setting outcome goals is often too manufactured/artificial.
I prefer PROCESS-ORIENTED goals …. as much as my therapy style is process-oriented and not goal-oriented.
That means I set my STANDARDS and have my set of VALUES to move towards.
Values like Accountability, leadership, friendships, education or love relationships. Just do a google search like “list of values” to get an idea.
A value is like ‘moving west’ … We can choose to go west at any time.
I pick three … Three. Not five or seven. Three can be managed. On a daily basis. Keep it simple ….KISS
Three values … that means I focus on HOW I show up, how I work, who I choose to BE.
A value like … FOCUS .. we can be focused or graceful in any minute for the rest of our life. It’s a matter of choice at any time. It’s in our control.
A goal is either attained or not (which has it’s own attraction point. At this stage, I have picked one Destination point, (a KPI). That’s all for now. It pulls me
What is usually stopping us from attaining goals are mainly two things
#1 We like to be comfortable and safe
Even though we have a built-in drive to grow and to strive for the better … our biological set-up is limiting us.
Being safe feels comfortable and serves survival. Growth feels uncomfortable. We all remember growth pain, right?
When we have a low tolerance for discomfort growing even feels harder.
No matter how motivated we are at the beginning, the need to feel comfortable aims to reign us in. And tests us.
Excuses are a direct result of the need to be comfortable.
Motivation and will-power are useful yet we our supply is usually limited
#2 New Years Resolutions are often aligned with true values
Goals that we choose are often too guided by pure emotions or pure rational things. They are not rooted in our true self … they lack alignment with true values …
that’s why our NY resolutions are not more than wishful thinking and short-lived.
Goals have to be aligned with the heart … the more aligned the more energy we unleash … the less resistance we feel.
When – on the flipside – goals are very ambitious …. And the subconscious mind and our hearts do not agree in any way …
The body responds strongly to stretching and creates resistance. Such as excuses, tiredness, fear … all sorts of obstacles.
20-25% change is what we can handle reasonably well.
We can have big goals – but we need to be aware that the stretch will also be bigger. And we are well adviced to not attach too much to those ambitious goals – because they are not entirely in our control.
One other problem with goal setting is that the REWARD is in the FUTURE
Whereas the VALUE can provide the reward AS WE GO …
Because WE KNOW that doing more of it WILL create the RESULTS we desire
It means we will achieve a better goal attainment when we get clear about the process …
Let’s say your chosen value is FOCUS … you can ask you at any minute if you are focused or distracted …
You can start to break it down and become more specific … Eg.
What can I FOCUS on? E.g. the amount of income you want to achieve … you then focus and tune into your OUTCOME (!)
Then … what to you need to FOCUS on to GET there?
Which product / service (when you’re in business) What do you need to ELIMINATE in order to FOCUS.
As a process you can establish a routine …
let’s say … take just 10 minutes every day …
and FOCUS on real-life problems that need a solution by journaling or meditating about them
If you do that … YOU make use of our fantastic brain which is a reality producing machine!
Thinking and visualising problems and solutions in a state that is creative (meditation) leads to creating a desirable reality.
I hope it’s easy you see where this is going.
How to keep motivation up? Likewise … visualise the desired outcome and that should boost your motivation ….
MOTIVATION is more WHAT you do rather than always FEELING good about what you do.
As said, staying in the comfort zone all the time is not getting us very far.
The growth zone is uncomfortable as a direct result of our biological make-up.
The good news is that we can build tolerance to discomfort like building muscle. The more we practice the easier it gets.
Well calibrated steps are better than massive ones. Otherwise we end up in the Panic zone ..Another reason to prefer process-oriented goals.
Why don’t you grab a piece of paper and write down … who and how do you want to be in 2020?
Let the values come to you … by tuning into your soul state in which access the inner wisdom of what is aligned with yourself?
You can make “finding clarity” a process criterium.
Do the same thing the day after until you get clarity and create the reality you desire.
All the very best for the 2020s to you and your loved ones.
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood