Nobody is ready for Marriage. Marriage makes you ready for Marriage
– David Schnarch
Couples can experience difficulties at any stage in their relationship. We all long for harmonious relationships, but ongoing challenges can have quite a distressing effect on our lives. Distressed relationships are very common too. Couples counselling can be a priceless option, because much of the distress does not merely result from challenging circumstances, but predominantly from a lack of skills in problem-solving, decision-making, communication and … from a lack of fun!
Challenges are manifold, but the most common ones are related to emotional and sexual disconnection, lack of joy, raising children and controlling behaviours
Couples counselling can enable you to resolve issues such as sexual problems, communication difficulties or parenting challenges. It can help to address your situation honestly and overcome “old” patterns and limitations, resulting in a new dimension of freedom and fulfillment.
As said, raising children is a common challenge. When you live with children, Couples counselling can help to make family work again and you can enjoy the small things with pleasure and love. Children need parents who are “happy enough”. Children who display challenging behaviour will almost immediately change once parents improve their relationship with one another.
Couples counselling is helping you to identify the factor that are underlying your issues. Relationship issues have a visible part and an invisible part, like only a small portion of an iceberg is visible. The reasons that led to the difficulties you seek counselling for are invisible. For successful outcomes they need to be seen and understood.
At the beginning couples are distressed and literally ‘stuck’, often not able to see the silver lining behind the cloud. As a first step, strategies can be implemented to calm the situation and to develop a good enough foundation for the next step.
The next step in Couples counselling is skill building. New ways of communicating are acquired and practiced, aiming at a better understanding and respecting that the other person has different viewpoints, preferences and needs. Learning to talk about difficult or controversial topics, learning to make mutually agreeable decisions, shaping a relationship of rich exchange of giving and taking and dealing with unfinished business are further options in couples counselling. New ways of relating become more and more convenient as you become more skilled. Depending on your issue constellation, this process can be shorter or longer, but is the phase in counselling that can best described as ‘work phase’. The destination is a more functional marriage.
A third phase in Couples counselling can be described as consolidation of the learned, spreading out sessions (e.g. once a month) and slowly fade out of counselling.
Couple sessions can be combined with individual session, depending on your individual situation. The counsellor is neutral that means his focus is on improving the relationship and he does not side with a person.
A functional marriage is keeps us healthier and reduces the overall amount of life’s distress. Working to improve your relationship is rewarding. You know you can do it because you did it. The improvements in your marriage are the results of the efforts you put in. Separation is not the automatic end of your problems; you may bring baggage into a new relationship and chances are that troubles start sooner or later.
Book your first appointment in Hornsby, Crows Nest or Sydney CBD and start improving your relationship.
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